My New Year’s Resolution
Resolution on new Years eve’: Cut out my anxiety, do what i need to do, and enjoy life again
\\ SCRATCH THAT ///
i have been brooding on that type of stuff for way too long. That anxiety problem spawns from and spurns other problems i.e procrastination, lack of focus, ill-confidence, ill-health etc. and I have noticed there is a real problem with my lack of natural skill to make firm decisions, enjoy myself, and attract women, along with other things.
I found the underlying problem, and I found the solution. The underlying problem is simply and (not so simply) that I havn’t grown up yet. The solution is to be a Real man.
New Years resolution for 2010: To become a Real Man.
But, what is a “Real Man” and how is that different than just being a man?
There is a difference. A Real man is something special, and something rare. According to Jacob Duchaine, in Being a Man, only 5 out of 1000 guys are truly men. the rest of us turn into soft males — full grown boys. and do not unlock our full potential. Soft males tend to cater to what they “think” women want from them. They do not have a clear set of values and as such do not act and make decisions with complete confidence, fortitude, and integrity.
A real man is confident, makes real commitments in his decisions, gives selflessly, channels energy, faces his fears, and accepts full responsibility (Pavlina). They Sacrifice, display courage, and are considered heroes (Kim).
What makes boys into men, the “essence of masculinity” comes down to testosterone. A lot of men these days have too little due to lack of activity, and suppressing their masculinity thinking that is what woman want. A lot of men boost up their testosterone, but much liek the douche bags i see at the bar, and around campus, they have no control.
Real men boost it up and have control.
According to a lot of what i have read so far. The lack of real manhood in our current society is attributed to a number of factors. These include
- lack of interaction between fathers and sons. Before the industrial revolution, most of hte work the man did, he invovled his son and taught him everything he needed to know. After the industrial revolution, our dads go away for 8-10 hours a day, and we see them in the evening for dinner when they are too tired to really teach us.
- Absence of a right of passage = remember in the movie Avatar, when the dude goes through that final act to become a Navi’….yea we don’t have that
- Rise of feminism - feminism, and the improvement of womens rights is a great thing. but there are claims that it has caused confusion for men. confusion: 1) their place and role in society 2) what they should be like, (since feminists do have the tendency to bash male characteristics)
- our feel good culture - instant gratification, and definitely something my dad has pointed out to me
- erosion of integrity — TV culture
Well this whole explanation sort of drives away from my personal blog post. A few weeks ago, an acquaintance i made on fb proclaimed that “Real men are coming back in 2010!” and i was like “YEEA!” like i had a feeling or understanding of what he meant by that, even though i didn’t really know. But that really stuck with me. and i thought about it. I felt like i knew what he meant, because i knew for sure that a lot of fellow men i had met lately arent exactly what i would aspire to be. But especially this semester there are certain individuals i have met, that when i talk to them i can’t help but think “Damn, this guy is MAN. he’s got it together!”
I’ll admit though, I wouldn’t even call myself a regular man. I’m a 22 year old boy. and I’m going to skip the regular man, and just go straight to being a Real man.
Years ago, i originally thought that I would grow into a man through experience, going to college, participating in different things, maybe after some traveling. But that never happened. I didn’t do as much as I hoped i would. and what i have done wasn’t enough. or there were plenty of things to back track progress.
I have matured and grown the last 2 years. But in a number of ways, I could say i was more of a man my freshman year of college that I am now.
I am very self-critical. I lack a lot of things, especially of what is mentioned above. but I at least have integrity, and some responsibility. But I feel as though I am currently on the cusp of losing those as well.
It didn’t happen naturally, and I don’t want to wait much longer for it to do so. So now it is time to make this change in a methodical and involved manner.
so yes, my resolution is as simple as that: Become a real man. One resolution.
This one resolutions encompasses everything I would list out if i needed too.
Becoming a real man would allow me to take charge of my future, and take charge of my life. Take charge in forming myself into the person I want to be. It will make me independent, confident, active, and productive. Allow me to actually have an effect on the community, and be a part of something larger than myself again. Allow me to utilize my full potential.
It will enable me to save my family, a unit that is desperate for some saving. I’ve been the baby for 22 years. I can’t change that, but I think its definitely time to stop taking and start giving.
If i were to list all those out as resolutions, it would have been too much.
How I am going about doing this is a good question. It definitely will involve a lot of self-reflection. That is something I have done the last year but it is definitely different this time. Self-reflection the last year has been all about “why am who i am, and why do i do the things i do”. This time there is a goal to reach with this self-reflection, and i’ll be asking “what can i do to make that change.” I am probably not going to post everything I do for my resolution on my Blog. certain highlights will be posted i think. When i hit significant landmarks. Some posts will be public, some posts will be private
I shouldn’t be ashamed to say this..so i won’t be. But significant tools in this process are online blogs on growth and masculinity, and becoming a real man. Specifically a blog titled The Art of Manliness. It is kind of funny to say, because our society gets everything on-line, so as such its not traditional. But its really good stuff. and through these blogs the tools for this process will include books, and …tools <—- of course, we’re trying to be MAN here!
